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Why The Rebound Relationship Never Works
While almost everyone recognizes the pitfalls of the rebound relationship, we seldom recognize the phenomena when it comes to our own relationships. We're Johnny-on-the-spot when it comes to pointing it out to our friends, but when we end a relationship and quickly find a new love interest, the situation is suddenly different.
Your BFF says, “Hey, you do know that you're making a pitiful attempt to replace Joe, right?” You gasp indignantly. “Why would you possibly think I'm so dumb as to fall for that old trick? John (the new guy) is who I've been looking for all of my life! He's perfect! Now I see Joe for the insensitive, uncaring, egotistical maniac he always was! John's not like that. He appreciates me for who I am.” Does this sound familiar? Your response smacks of the rebound relationship syndrome.
If Joe just dumped you, or even if you dumped him for good reason, suddenly you are faced with a void in your life. You went with him for a couple of years. Every Friday night you went for pizza and a movie. He brought you flowers on your birthday. You didn't even think about spending a weekend alone or being without a date on New Year's Day.
Even if Joe was the insensitive clod you now deem him to be, he did provide a certain sense of security. You need to take a long hard look at what this cad did for your self esteem. Did he serve to mask certain insecurities of your own? Did you feel so needy, in the end, that you fell for the rebound relationship to recover a modicum of self esteem? While Joe may surely be a rat, John may be no better. You must also consider if you are not effectively using this new paragon of manhood to your own selfish purposes. John might be the innocent bystander in this train wreck.
When you break off a long standing relationship, you owe it to yourself to take a brief hiatus from the dating scene. Notwithstanding Joe's faults, you must have had a few yourself. It's funny how time is revealing, on an unconscious level. Sure, he obviously wasn't the right guy. Maybe you weren't right for him either. Now is not the time for the blame game. Painting yourself as the victim, misunderstood but perfect, is the poster child setup for a rebound relationship.
People who are suddenly bereft of their long time love interest relationship are vulnerable to the instant gratification factor. In order to restore their self esteem and feelings of self worth, they are eager to find another individual who will supply the necessary verbiage and emotional stroking to eliminate feelings of worthlessness.
Suddenly, you're willing to overlook some of John's irksome characteristics, so similar in nature to that cad, Joe. You may even feel that John is a far more loving character, only because you're on the rebound. Relationships which bear these signatures are doomed to failure. History is repeating, because you didn't give yourself a time out. When a long term relationship ends, remind yourself that you don't have to prove anything to your ex, just as he doesn't have to prove something to you. Unfortunately, sometimes relationships just don't work out. Rebound relationships are not the cure.
All relationships are a two way street. There's give and take. Consider that your new love, John, may also be engaging in a rebound relationship. Whoa! Now there's a mess in the making!
Realize that there is never an instant replacement for your former love, nor should there be. Rebound relationships are, almost without exception, a case of the blind leading the blind. Give yourself a break.
Summary
Rebound relationships are doomed to failure. People who have been involved in a long term relationship are suffering from a sense of loss, grief, or anger when the relationship ends. These feelings are a normal part of life and must be dealt with in order to let go of the past and have the ability to move forward.
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