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Asked For Your Advice On Love Relationships? If The Query Is From An Adult, Don't Do It!
While syndicated columnists have made a career out of giving advice on love relationships, it's the very last topic you want to get involved in with an adult friend. You've probably known, from an early age, that politics and religion are best left out of ordinary social conversations. When you decide to give your advice on love to your BFF, you'd have been far better off having a knock-down drag-out on politics. At least you won't be blamed for the politician's actions! Women are much more vulnerable to a friend's desperate cry for help on what to do about their current love relationship. Women like to be caring, helpful and supportive, which easily leads to the syndicated columnist syndrome, a friendship pitfall like no other.
You may naturally feel flattered that your friend values your opinion. While that's true, if they're asking for your advice on love situations, it's equally true that your opinion is biased, in favor of your friend. “Why, that no-good scoundrel! Who does he think he is?” What a conversation starter, eh? Your words may not be quite so to-the-point, but that's the general gist of whatever your initial reaction may be. You want to be supportive, right? You must consider what might next be going through your friend's mind.
She wouldn't be asking you for advice if she didn't love the 'scoundrel' and therein lies the pitfall. As you fix her a nice cup of tea, bringing a box of tissue to the table, letting her know she should never allow the so-and-so to treat her so terribly, she's already mentally zig-zagging. “But, he's normally such a wonderful person, kind, caring ... and I love him! Oh, I just don't know what to do!”
Your friend, in dire need of support and your advice on love, may instead carry on for a while, itemizing his many faults in great and specific detail. You sympathize every step of the way, with the best of intentions. Unwittingly, your friend is already mentally traveling down the road to reconciliation with this awful man! Meanwhile, you've placed both feet squarely in your mouth, with all of your sage remarks.
Depending on the maturity of the person asking for your advice, you might easily find yourself cast as a home breaker. “He's really not that bad! He just hurt my feelings. How do I get him back?” Now you're in the frying pan! “I never knew you disliked him so much! I love him! Don't you want us to get back together?”
People who ask for advice on love relationships usually don't really want it – what they do want is to vent – and that's your only legitimate role. Let that person say everything they want to divulge. Your contribution to the conversation is to advise as little as possible, while being a good listener with a full box of tissue.
When asked for advice on love, don't succumb to the meddler in you. Limit your responses to one-syllable remarks. “Ohhh!” “That's awful!” and the like. An occasional gasp is OK. Just don't get personal.
The only exception to giving advice on love relationships, is where it concerns your own underage child. Kids can be truly mixed up and really want to know what you have to say. With wisdom, love and a non-judgmental attitude, you might succeed. This is the only situation where it's worth taking such a chance. Giving advice on love is always a dicey proposition.
Summary
Giving advice on love relationships can be like walking a tightrope. The best advice is to listen while others vent and add your two cents worth only as comfort and support. Be there, but just as someone who cares. If your teen has fallen into the roller coaster of love, you need to be cautious when dealing with heartache.
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