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Is Abstinence Until Marriage The Best Policy?
Each person you talk to will have their own thoughts about sex and when it should first happen. Some believe that you should never buy the shoes until you have tried them on, and others feel that abstinence until marriage is the only way to go. Each side of the argument has good points, but when it comes to talking with your children about sex, you have to decide which way you want to go with them. They are going to make up their own minds, of course, but you can tell them how you feel about things.
Ideally, abstinence until marriage would be the best and only answer. It sounds good in theory but for some couples, it backfires on them. Those that do not marry until they are in their late twenties or early thirties, but believe in abstinence until marriage, find that they have made a big mistake. The idea of sex becomes bigger than sex itself, which can lead to disillusion, dissapointment, and unmet expectations. These marriages can and have failed for those very reason. At times, preconceived notions about sex are implanted so deeply that sexual dysfunction occurs.
However, abstinence until marriage can be an amazing thing for those that do marry younger and that have a healthy view of what sex really is and what it is like. You don’t have to have sex to have a good idea of what goes on, how it is supposed to bond a couple, and that it can be awkward at first. Some newlyweds who practiced abstinence until marriage think there is something wrong with them because the sex is bad at first, but if they know that is probably going to happen, they can overcome it rather easily.
In the world we live in today, fewer and fewer are choosing abstinence until marriage. Your child may decide to go that way, but with so much sex everywhere and with all of their friends trying it out, the best you may be able to do is to talk them into waiting until after high school, at the very least, until they try it. You should also try to tell them that if they don’t want to be abstinent, at least they could be sure they are in a long and committed relationship before they decide they want to have sex.
The best way to help a child understand what abstinence until marriage and the choice to have sex before marriage may mean to their lives is to explain things the best you can. That is all that you can really do. You can tell them that they can come to you with any questions, and you have to be calm and open when they do have these questions. One big thing you should try to get across to them whether they are going for abstinence before marriage or not would be that sex on television is far from the reality. It is a beautiful thing, but having high expectations of glamour as seen on TV and in the movies is going to put a damper on things very quickly.
Summary
Most churches preach no sex before marriage. This is not a very common idea these days. Abstinence before marriage is a good idea that deserves to make a comeback. If more people used this practice there would be far less divorce and much more solid family values. Explain the concept to your kids so they can understand.
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